Communicating your boundaries so they land

Because you shouldn’t have to set yourself on fire, to explain where your edges are

Welcome back to Stop Settling — a course created to help you break old patterns, reclaim your self-worth, and stop calling almost love ‘enough’. Each module walks you back to yourself — the version of you who trusts her gut, sets the standard and no longer abandons herself to be chosen ❤️‍🔥

New here? Start with the intro to the Stop Settling Course, a free deep dive into what this course is all about.

This is a bonus module where we go beyond just knowing your needs and into the art of voicing them. Here you’ll learn to speak your truth without over explaining, spiralling or people pleasing.

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So far, we've talked about what you learned love was and how to build boundaries from a place of self respect, not self protection.

But here's the thing that most people miss - a boundary only works if it's communicated.

Yes, you have to actually share it.

Clearly, calmly and (here's the big dog) without blame or apology 📢

Your needs don't need apologies. Nobody is required to meet them but you are required to honour them.

It can feel uncomfortable sharing, if you're used to avoiding conflict or have anxiety around speaking your mind.

But speaking your boundaries isn't about confrontation - it's about connection.

Remember: boundaries are invitations to love you better.

And you do not need to apologise for allowing someone to see more of you.

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Boundaries Vs expectations

Here's where most people get stuck - they confuse boundaries with expectations.

You know… most people aren't mind readers.

But a lot of us treat them like they should be and then blame them, when they're not.

👉 We set expectations in our head.

👉 We assume they should just know.

👉 And when they don't show up for us in the way we never actually asked for, we feel let down. Not because our boundary was crossed but because it was never communicated in the first place.

An expectation says:

'I hope you'll do this for me' but never actually asks.

(Then when the person doesn't meet them - we get resentful, disappointed and start pulling away).

A boundary says:

'This is what I need to feel safe and seen. If that’s not something you can offer, I’ll choose differently’

**This is by no means an ultimatum — it’s you taking responsibility for your needs, NOT asking someone to change.

💡 Expectations often live in silence - they assume, they wait and then they punish.

💡 Boundaries are spoken. They take ownership and they don't make the other person wrong for being who they are.

They just help you to choose what's right for you.

⛔ This isn't about being passive aggressive.

⛔ This isn't about testing people to see if they'll fail.

You're not here to win.

This is about standing in your clarity and saying:

I matter and this is what I need.

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Speak from your body

Boundaries don't have to sound like a fight.

They don't have to be cold, harsh or controlling.

When you speak from what's happening for you right now - what you feel, what you need, it's undeniable.

Not:

You make me feel like I'm not good enough.

But:

I feel really heavy and I need to feel emotionally safe, to stay open. When I feel criticised, I shut down and close off. So, when we disagree, I'm asking for you to be softer.

Not:

Whatever, you're not listening to me so I won't bother talking.

But:

I feel overwhelmed because I don't feel heard right now. I want to have this conversation but I need us to slow down, so I'm able to keep sharing.

That kind of language — it can't be argued with.

✋ You're not blaming, you're reflecting.

✋ You're not attacking, you're speaking from your nervous system.

That's why we communicate boundaries from the body.

Because the body never lies.

So, it disarms defensiveness.

Feeling seen? Become a paid subscriber to unlock the rest of this module (and previous) —including prompts, further guidance and deeper shifts to help you create lasting change 🔥